1.   So Zowie lass - what gives, we need to know the score with thy musical journey so far - tell us what has transpired and how you ended up in the band called Dischord?

 Ahh I should launch straight into some debauched tale of woe, strife, addiction and ultimate redemption. But I won’t. Music has been my life since before I can remember, (doesn't every musician say that?) My Grandfather was a great singer and he also trifled with the organ and had a brief (very brief) stint with the accordion. By great singer I mean GREAT, as in he had a massive voice, one of those old school pitch perfect bellows that could easily survive without a microphone in a music hall and quite possibly impregnate a woman from thirty paces away. His voice both inspired and intimidated me and for a long time, I completely wrote off any musical talent in myself and happily basked in his shadow. I did attempt as a child to wrench some musical talent from my impotent fingers, I tried the clarinet, the saxophone and the keyboard, all of which I failed spectacularly at, partly due to my nerves but mostly due to lack of any actual talent! I lived for music though, all of the majors and minors of my life can be mapped by certain songs, albums, a certain lyric here, a riff there. And bass was always the instrument that I yearned for.  Not long after we met, I gently persuaded Dave to stop wasting his talent playing guitar in his bedroom (a stage many find it difficult to leave) and to take a friend up on the offer of joining a band. I soon followed when a bass player left suddenly, and was unceremoniously advised that I had two months to learn the bass and play in an upcoming gig! And I have tried to play catch up ever since. David, Chris and I have been in bands together for about ten years now. It’s a beautiful thing.
 
2.  I am intrigued by Dischord and their debut album - a fuckin' stunner in fact - tell me about the construction process, the reasoning behind the rhythms and how difficult you found it creating such a fine opening onslaught?

 The most bizarre thing about the whole thing is that is wasn't difficult at all! That sounds absurd but honestly there were whole sections of songs, great swathes of lyrics and rhythms and melodies that just sleeted down from the cosmos on all three of us. It really is hard to describe but when we are writing there is a moment where we all just…..get it, and THAT is the best fucking feeling in the world. I am so happy with The Wakes, every moment has meaning, as an entire piece it is exactly what we wanted to achieve.
 
3.  Blackpool seems to have many fine bands around at the moment - any names you would like to drop and tell us about the local scene in general and what are the highlights of living near the sea?

 This is a twofold question that actually feeds off each other. Firstly, the finest bands from Blackpool are no doubt so very fine simply due to the strange, bittersweet connection to living in such an obscure seaside fairground. I simultaneously love and despise the place. The Wakes has made me feel closer to Blackpool however, somehow certain demons have been exorcised and I can take to its streets with a more content frame of mind, I am no longer at odds with the town, just society as a whole. Living by the actual sea itself is, for me, essential to my existence! I know that sounds dramatic but I have always lived by the sea, if I am away from it too long I begin to feel uneasy. It’s also nice to be able to see your escape route ; )

The Blackpool music scene is surprisingly fruitful at the moment, the apparent lack of decent music is partly what created The Wakes but there seems to have been a surge in new music and resurgence of great old bands. There are a few bands around that are definitely worth a listen and everyone should make an effort to turn fucking x-factor off and go down to one of the struggling local venues to catch their live sets. There are many bands to choose from, with a good spattering of styles, including acoustic acts like Carolina Vendetta, but I couldn’t get away without mentioning the unholy trilogy of Blackpool leviathans (I’ll do my own Fungalpunk-esque mini-reviews):

CSOD – Metal motherfuckers from the seaside, what more could you ask for! A fine outfit, a great group of guys, always a pleasure to play with. The new album, by the way, is cracking.

Drop Out Wives – grungy fuzz-meisters from Bispham village. Always an unforgettable experience when you catch them live and a nice bunch of chaps to boot.

The Senton Bombs – time-served bastards of excellent punk rock noise. Always supportive of us, we were honoured to support them at their album launch last year. A proper set of gents.

4.  The erection of Charles Dickens versus the 2 Blackened Nipples of George Formby - it is a fight to get all Blackpool milkmen a pay rise - who will win, give us a low down on the two opponents training regime and would you eat 47 deep fried turtle nobs so as to promote your bands material (come on now show some commitment). 

I would imagine that the erection of Charles Dickens would firstly require some sort of rehydration process and possible taxidermy, since it has long expired, however additional strength has been added by means of a titanium rod so no training regime is necessary. The blackened nipples of the late Formby were collected from the remains of his ritualistic Viking funeral, and are said to contain, magical, odinistic qualities. No regime needed there. And I would like to think that magic tops raw metal every time, by turning Mr Dickens dick into a small pool of soured milk. Which in turn will be issued to the Milkmen of Blackpool as a warning never to ask for a payrise again! What do they think this is? London? In the past? Who drinks milk anymore??

Regrettably, I show a massive lack of commitment and decline a dinner of turtle-parts. If you check the underside of my blue disability badge, it says I am vegan.

5.   Describe thy fellow band members in 5 chauvinistic words one of which must relate to an automobile.  Talking of which - if you were an automobile part what would you be (and why)?

They all have fabulous tits. (5 words in a very chauvinistic sentence). I would be the fender of a 1946 Daimler hearse. I nearly bought one once, when I worked at the crematorium, but the funeral director scrapped it instead. Such a shame, it was beautiful.

6.   Best Dischord song and why?

 Ahhh I shall have to be extremely annoying here, currently my personal favourite has not yet been released, so I can’t really discuss it BUT be assured it is fucking IMMENSE! It also draws on past musical roots and is so bloody fun to play!

7.  Best gig to date, best experience in the music scene and...to balance the books...the worst of both? 

Best gig – Nice n Sleazy festival 2013, the mosh pit was brilliant! It would be great to play again this year.

Worst gig – every gig is worth it, perhaps every gig I played that wasn’t a Dischord gig – each one was necessary and all part of the process of becoming the bassist of Dischord, but also I feel like I wasn’t fully who I was meant to be until, at last, I was in Dischord (if that makes any sense?). Now every gig is a fucking thrill.

Best Experience – 3 Chords festival in Penzance was amazing! Everyone should go this year if they get away with putting it on again. It was definitely one to remember.

Worst Experience – stage-fright sucks balls.

8.  Your views on punk, metal, ska etc. and the whole labelling process that causes so much bother it seems and gets people so bloody hung up? 

Bah – there’s good music and bad music. Just like I see no creed, colour, race, religion when it comes to people, just cunts and those that are not cunts! I understand why some people seek solace in labels and genres and categorization of music and styles etc, I spent most of my youth reinforcing all of the stereotypes of certain labels, but the older I get, the less important these things are. Surround yourself with music that makes you happy and people that make you happy. Everything else can fuck off

9.  Ambitions in life and music and name any heroes and zeroes you have please?

 The dream is to earn juuuust enough to be able to play music to support myself. I don’t want a giant mansion and a hundred golden limousines filled with bitches powered by pimp juice, I just want to scrape by as a gigging musician. That would be enough.

Heroes – ok, cue the corny alert and get the sick buckets at the ready, for my main hero, in music and in life, is, well my husband. Yeah, I liked him that much that I married him : ) most people aren’t lucky enough to marry their favourite guitarist, but hell, I was and there is no point denying it to appear cool. I’ll never be cool. But what is pretty fucking cool is that I am in a band with my brilliant husband and my future brother-in-law and guess what? We all actually like each other! People are usually very confused at the thought that we get on well with each other and are able to quite happily write music together. These are the two people that I love and respect most in the world – namely the best people to be in a band with!

Zeroes- any racist left in this, or any other scene. Go. Away.

10.  Planet Breast is a strange place, overpopulated, flooded in many places by the excessive milk of hate and all controlled by the Clitorites whose headquarters are based in Nippleopia - a rugged placed prone to incredible inflation and liquid leakage.  The question though is threefold - a/ if you could live on a giant titty whereabouts would you dwell and what would you use as a food source, b/ have you ever had voices in your head so as to make a flying saucer out of a Fray Bentos tin, and c/ would you live in the nasal passage of a goat if you could win a free concrete sink unit?

a/ the tip of the nipple would be used for sunbathing, the base for shade and the warm, snuggly part under the cup would be utilized in winter.

b/ if that is the worst that the voices in your head conjure, then I fear I am a danger to society. I think that a quite convincing ufo spoof could be created using a fray bentos tin wrapped in tin foil. In true George Melies fashion.

c/ No, maybe for a ceramic Belfast sink. As a woman, obviously it’s where I belong.

11.  I hear ye be working on a new album - anything to tell and what improvements can we expect as regards the general sound and overall artistry? 

We definitely are carrying on in a similar vein, however we are becoming even braver in song construction and musical influences. We won’t be able to tell for definite until it is completed however, so far, it has felt as fun and exciting as the first album was to write so hopefully that is promising.

12.  Dischord need pushing up the rear of the disbelieving masses - do it - shove the sonic suppository in with grim determination and textual promotion!

Some hope, some belief is required for us to connect with anyone, and to those I shall say this:

Come see Dischord, we are pissed off, frustrated, angry, and disillusioned too, and we’ll be vomiting and screaming it all up on a stage near you very soon. Come along and scream it back in our faces, it’s what we live for!

The disbelieving masses shall have this:
[screaming crowds and applause as a saccharine voice over comes in]

“Meet Dischord, 52, from Blackpool, Lancashire. Dischord has always dreamed of being a star, but currently works in a working men’s club as a bingo caller. Dischord’s mum has cancer, it’s such a shame for Dischord but Dischord is dead brave for keeping his chin up every day. For year’s Dischord was bullied at school for being such a brilliant singer despite having a horn growing in the middle of Dischord’s forehead. Dischord once saved a kitten from the jaws of certain death when it wandered onto the rotisserie spike of a local kebab shop. Dischord really needs your vote in order to live out his dream of becoming a zillionaire by miming to other people’s terrible, pointless songs. Otherwise Dischord might have to result to creating his own music, of his own volition and talent, funded by his own pocket and fueled by his own inspired zeal. God forbid.”

 

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